High Achievers – I See You, And You Will Be OK

I feel like I just came out of a six week fog of mentally “pushing through.” I was dragging myself out of bed and would frequently find myself staring at my computer and forgetting what I was going to do next, and, my to do list (if I had the energy to create one) never got any smaller. What was even more concerning was my inner dialogue and emotional state: everyone was annoying me. It felt like people were intentionally making things more difficult for me and I had thoughts about packing in my business and doing something completely different like working at the local grocery store. This is not who I am or how I feel about my life or my work. On an intellectual level I knew that, but on an emotional level I was creating some irrational thoughts that were not someone I recognized. Fortunately, I have enough inner resources and coaching tools to manage my way through this phase without any collateral damage to my relationships or business, but it was scary and made me very aware of how susceptible we all are to a COVID Crash.

My point for sharing what feels like a very vulnerable story is that on the outside, and for my clients, colleagues and family, I don’t think the signs of my inner struggle were all that evident. I kept on producing, showing up for clients and “doing a good job,” despite how I was feeling. My family noticed my irritability (lucky them!) and extra napping on the weekends, but overall this was a shadowed experience that wasn’t out in the open. Sound familiar? Is any of this resonating? Are you quietly in struggle but don’t want anyone to know?

When Tara Haelle’s Surge Capacity article came back on my radar this week, what really struck was the reference to how high-achievers are struggling with the loss of routine, productivity and solving problems, followed by a solution that says WE NEED TO EXPECT LESS OF OURSELVES right now. What? How? Is this even possible for high achievers?

This is the dance I am in right now. Knowing that I need to dial things back, lean on others for support and change my expectations of myself right now. Not easy, yet no longer optional. Acknowledging the reality of our current context of massive systems’ change including global pandemic, social justice, political, economic and climate crises’, there is a lot of energy informing our reality that doesn’t even include the challenges of a new or different work life, family responsibilities and relationships. Let’s be clear… we are all navigating within a shitshow right now, and when we look at it like that, of course we need to change our expectations of ourselves!

So, if you are the high achiever who is reading this, then know you are not alone. I see you.

If you are a leader of others, this is a reminder to check in on your high performers and create the space to check in and let them know it's OK if they are not feeling up to their usual level of productivity. Bottom line: don’t assume they are fine; they need to be seen and heard right now too.

I am not a big fan of advice lists, but I will share that what is working for me right now is being open with my family about how I am feeling, asking for help with projects, getting back into an exercise routine, and most importantly being gentle with myself when I experience mental fog or my brain and body are asking for rest. I know you will find the solutions that work for you, but the first step is acknowledging what is actually going on.

Some other validating and insightful resources are the Six Month Wall described by Aisha Ahmad in Nancy Coyle’s article and Brené’s recent podcast on Burnout with Emily and Amelia Nagosky. 

What this recent experience has taught me is that we do not need to do this alone and we can’t assume what other people need right now. We will all have good days and bad days, weeks of productivity and then a month of pushing the rock uphill.  This is our new reality and that’s OK. 

If you are looking for a place to be seen, heard and supported then know that we are here for you.

Visit www.inspiredresultsgroup.com/the-learning-lab to learn more about our upcoming trainings or book a discovery call to learn more about leadership coaching.