How to Practice Compassion in Your Life and Leadership
By IRG Associate Coach & Facilitator, Kaila Pilecki
Our 6th week and our 6th C! Wow. Throughout this series, we’ve highlighted the components of the Courageous Leadership in Times of Change and Uncertainty framework; it has been a joy to write about every element. This week we explore the final C, Compassion.
Since reading Diane’s newsletter and article on Tuesday, I’ve been thinking about Compassion and what I could write to contribute to this complex topic that holds so many aspects of humanity and challenges to traditional leadership.
An entry point to this conversation on Compassion showed up in an unexpected way. Around 8 pm on Tuesday, a friend asked me to pop into the store and grab wipes for her newborn baby. Of course I agreed; I love her and I was beyond excited to get out of the house and see other humans! At the last second, I had an idea to download a Goop podcast for the drive. As fate would have it, the guest was Kate Bowler. Duke professor, author, and incurable optimist, Kate is facing chronic, stage 4 colon cancer. In the podcast, she shares that she’s one of the first people to benefit from an experimental immunotherapy treatment, and she can’t predict how long she has to live. This description may sound dark; in reality, the conversation is a bright, honest and uplifting exploration of mortality and how to show Compassion for anyone you know who’s facing one of life’s many challenges (including yourself).
Kate published a book about her experience called “Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I’ve Loved”, focused on a central question: what does it mean to die, she wonders, in a society that insists everything happens for a reason? Per the jacket description, Kate is stripped of certainty only to discover that without it, life is hard but beautiful in a way it never has been before.
The podcast cracked me wide open (and reminded me that it’s hard to cry and drive at the same time). It made me think of how we treat each other and the assumptions we make, despite the certainty of not knowing what’s going on in our colleagues, friends and family members’ lives. Kate’s hilarious and wise words reminded me of what not to say when someone is facing an incurable diagnosis or their life is falling apart including: “you’re going to beat this!”, “what can you do to fix this?”.
Compassion is being present, listening and making sure to bring hand cream and lip gloss when you’re visiting people in the hospital.
For a funny, touching interview that will leave you thinking about how you show up with Compassion for others and yourself, listen here.
In the context of day-to-day, non-life threatening situations, Compassion can be a little more elusive.
Some may say it’s hard to come by. In this light, I looked to our favourite researcher for her take on it. If you know us at IRG, you know that we can’t think about compassion in life and leadership without referencing Brené Brown. In Dare to Lead, Brené talks about living BIG in the context of compassionate leadership. BIG is an acronym for articulating your Boundaries (what’s ok and what’s not ok), living in Integrity (doing what’s right) and holding the most Generous view of others. What if people are doing the best they can? How would it affect our own lives if we extended a generous view of those with whom our paths cross?
In a 2018 interview with Evan Smith, Brené Brown says that she focuses on leaders and educators because as humans, we spend a lot of time at school and at work. If we change the way we are in these spaces, we can change the world. Compassionate leaders hold a deep belief that people are doing their best. Brave leaders are in clear communication about their own boundaries, and show up with empathy, understanding and love.
Next time something’s not working or when someone is messing up their responsibilities, instead of making a negative assumption, take a moment to pause.
How can you give them grace, while at the same time have integrity around what’s ok and what’s not ok for you?
How can you approach the situation as a Courageous Leader, rather than someone driven by fear, anger or their own armour?
For more conversations about the Courageous Leadership in Uncertain Times framework, check out the Inspired Results Group blog. And if someone you know would benefit from reading this post, we’d love you to share this and let them know you’re thinking about them.