Is Your Inner Critic Holding You Back?
I have a confession. When I decided that it was time to finally do a master’s degree in leadership, I was searching for “the answer” to what makes someone an inspiring and impactful leader. This is not something I would have admitted out loud, but subconsciously this is what I was looking for—the magic leadership formula. Well, as you can imagine, that is not what I discovered and, in some ways, I am finishing this degree with more questions than answers.
I learned many things during this two-year academic journey, but the single formula to great leadership is not one of them. That is because that magic formula DOES NOT EXIST. However, what did emerge for me is clarity about some of the mindset, behaviours and rituals that make a leader inspiring to those who follow them.
I am going to do my best to break this down in the weeks and months ahead with the intention of inspiring some awareness in you with simple practices to support your leadership development in bite-size pieces. Inspiring leadership is a journey, not a destination. If you think you have “arrived” then you need to start over again.
Let’s begin.
Mindset Tip:
Are you the kind of person who welcomes a challenge, is willing to make mistakes and view the journey as an opportunity to learn and grow? If this rings true then you are modeling what author Carol Dweck describes as a Growth Mindset. On the other end of the mindset continuum is a Fixed Mindset where we shy away from challenges, embrace perfectionism to prove ourselves and feel anxious about making mistakes or being “found out.” We navigate our days feeling like we aren’t good enough and we hustle to prove our worth.
I was locked into a Fixed Mindset for most of my leadership career prior to discovering coaching. I operated from a place of fear that people would find out I wasn’t equipped for the role they had given me, and I worked myself into the ground hoping to prove my worth and get it all right, all of the time. This led to long hours and high expectations of myself and those I led with little tolerance for mistakes. This is not the kind of leader I wanted to be. Yes, I had a warm personality and good relationship building strengths, but underneath it all was this driving energy that was fuelled by my Fixed Mindset.
Being introduced to Mindset during my executive coach training at Royal Roads University in 2011 was a game changer for me. I would never have survived this entrepreneurial journey without a shift in my mindset from Fixed to Growth. I have embraced a Growth Mindset by letting go of the fear of making mistakes, and instead feeling fuelled by creativity, experimentation and continuous improvement through practice, practice and more practice. I have made many mistakes along the journey, I continue to get it right AND get it wrong, but I learn and change along the way. As I now build my team and expand fully into my CEO role at Inspired Results Group, I am reminding myself to lean into this growth mindset so that I can take the pressure off and keep the learning alive while practicing self-compassion along the way.
Behaviour Shift:
Start talking about your mindset out loud with people your trust (a coach perhaps?), and develop your self-awareness around the mindset you are holding. I like to think of your mindset as the soundtrack going on inside your head. Here are some questions to help you unpack this:
What messages is your inner critic sending?
How do those messages inform your choices?
What unintentional signals are you sending to those who work with you?
Where can you take a risk?
Where will you invite in more practice?
What will self-compassion feel like?
Rituals to practice:
I like to think of rituals as something we normalize, make transparent and create routines around for ourselves and the teams we engage in at work and home. Here are some ideas to get you thinking:
Start a meeting or family dinner by asking everyone to share a mistake or misstep they made that day or last week.
Identify something you want to improve in and become a voracious learner about that topic or skill by reading, listening to podcasts or practicing on a daily basis.
Create a routine around asking yourself a check-in question; for example, “where am I playing it safe?”
Start your day with a simple gratitude reflection.
The most inspiring leaders I know are those who embody a Growth Mindset because they are constantly learning, are willing to acknowledge they don’t always “get it right” and this inevitable vulnerability creates connection with those they lead. Your Fixed Mindset is disconnecting you from the people you lead, and in these times of virtual leadership we need connection and compassion more than ever.
I am curious to know, what resonated for you in this article? What is one small takeaway that you can embed into your leadership journey?
If you are keen to stay connected and have access to our digital courses, customized training or personalized leadership coaching, visit www.inspiredresultsgroup.com and join the IRG Community!