How Are You Feeling as You Lead Through Complexity?

I have a unique profession. As a trusted thinking partner to my clients, I am witness to both the feelings and thinking of the leaders I coach. And, here’s the thing . . . those two layers to the conversations—feelings and thinking—are always inextricably linked, but you may not realize it until it’s too late.  

One of my favourite references in Dare to Lead is when Brené Brown quotes the neuroscientist Dr. Antonio Damasio who says, “We are feeling machines who think, we are not thinking machines.” This quote resonated for me and is one I reflect on and share with my clients all of the time. This is our collective blind spot when we are trying to unpack complex scenarios in our leadership; we forget that our thinking is filtered through our limbic brain—the emotional centre of our brain.  

Here is an example you can probably relate to: 

Our family is navigating shared space at home and on certain days there is a run on good Wi-Fi access and cream in the fridge for my coffee.  On Monday I was well rested, was coming off a great weekend and my cup was full emotionally; in other words, I was in a good state emotionally. When my teenagers needed Wi-Fi, I was understanding and when I went to the fridge to whiten up my coffee and the cream was empty I was annoyed but recognized I could replenish that with a walk to the store and some fresh air. (And a walk would be good for me.)  Now, fast forward to the end of the week, I am feeling depleted, I have been facilitating online which is very draining for me, and I have missed some key deadlines so I am feeling frustrated with myself. When the teenagers request some bandwidth, I am impatient, and when I find an empty cream container in the fridge, well . . . you know that my response was leaning towards blame more than problem solving. My emotional state was the only difference in these scenarios, but my thinking and behaviour were completely different. Our feelings inform our thinking. This is a fact, but being aware of it makes all the difference.   

When we put this in a leadership context, the stakes get even higher. Your ability to think creatively, problem solve, listen with empathy and compassion in the moment is directly linked to your emotional state. Pay attention to how you are FEELING about a situation before you ask yourself what do I THINK about this situation. That will give you some clues as to how you need to regulate yourself before you enter a conversation or respond to that triggering email.  

This is just one of the reasons that I have integrated CALM as a leadership practice in my new Courageous Leadership in Times of Change and Uncertainty Framework. When we practice calm with our breathing, we can bring our prefrontal cortex back online and access our best thinking. It also helps to acknowledge the emotions to ourselves so that we can develop an awareness of what we are experiencing at an emotional level, which then gives us a clue to what will inform the quality of our thinking.  

I had the honour of supporting a leader to unpack a complex scenario and prepare for a conversation with a colleague. When she was able to identify the emotions that were present for her, it became clear that the immobility she was feeling in her strategic thinking was because of the way she was feeling about the situation. When she named the feelings of pressure, frustration, fear and self-doubt, she was able to recognize how that emotional state was interfering with her high-functioning cognitive state, i.e., her thinking. When she released some of the negative emotions throughout our conversation, her prefrontal cortex lit up and she was able to identify a few key strategies that felt authentic and doable. It was incredible to witness this shift in her thinking and support her to get curious about her emotions and become a problem solver in the moment.  

Who do you lean on to explore your emotional state before entering conversations or making important decisions? We encourage you to find that trusted partner, friend or colleague who can support you or give us a call and see if working with one of our talented coaches can be the secret weapon you didn’t know you needed right now!  We inspire you to think at your best so that you can lead with authenticity, clarity and confidence. More than ever, we need your courageous and inspiring leadership and we are here to support your journey to access that best thinking version of you.  

Visit us at www.inspiredresultsgroup.com and join our community of courageous leaders!