Performing for Patriarchy

I’m Done Performing for Patriarchy 

I’m enjoying midlife and up until recently, I couldn’t really pinpoint why. I feel powerful, creative; my relationship with myself and my intuition has never been stronger. In a word, I feel free. 

But free from what? It’s a question I’ve been trying to answer for a while. The other day, I listened to the Are Old Women Really Relevant episode of the We Can Do Hard Things podcast. Of course we are, and that was the point of the episode, but what was so profound for me was how the podcast’s message helped me understand this sense of freedom I’m feeling. 

Like most women, I’ve spent a great deal of my career hustling, striving for acceptance, for approval, all in a performance for a system of patriarchy. (For a good overview of patriarchy, read On Our Best Behaviour by Elise Loehnen).

That’s why I’m enjoying this phase of my life so much. I’m free from the performance. 

Fretting hours upon the stage

After this little aha!, I did a scan of my personal and professional life and realized quickly just how much energy I’ve wasted on performing. Once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it. Every organization, every team I was ever part of, it was there in the background. Something inauthentic, misaligned. That’s what happens when we try to squish into these systems without knowing ourselves well enough to notice or understand the dissonance we’re experiencing. 

Back then, I labelled it stress, but now I know better. What was really going on was that somewhere deeper than fear—in my core—I didn’t like the performance. I didn’t like acting outside my values, my identity, my needs so that I could make a living and survive. The constant proving and fitting in was totally wearing me down.

The opportunity

The perimenopause and menopause journey is a fucking rumble. More so because most of us go it alone with little support and even less knowledge about the process. When I went through it, I felt lonely. The perimenopause phase was particularly challenging because I was so ignorant to what was actually going on, and there weren’t a lot of people to consult with. Without that support, it’s harder to see the opportunity in it.

I think this transition is the chance for us as women to come home to ourselves. To spend time using our hard-earned wisdom and skills to look back with a much wider perspective and get clear on who we really are. When we can answer the question “Who am I?”, we can properly choose who we want to be from a place of authenticity. Reconnecting to our values, to our strengths, to our passion, without the weight of performance, means we can design our life on purpose, with purpose, from a place of awareness and freedom. 

I’m here to tell you: there is genuine, exquisite, expansive freedom in this journey.

This freedom is what I’ve come home to (through a lot of inner work and self-reflection). And now I feel like anything’s possible. I’m not performing for anyone anymore. Except the real me. 

The problem with all those chains we’ve shackled to ourselves is that the only way to know they were there in the first place is by the lightness we feel when they’re gone. All those limitations I adopted over the years I had picked up by accident. The midlife transition is the chance to notice them, and put them all down. 

I went through this alone, but you don’t have to. None of us do. So if this resonates, reach out. I would love to talk to you, and help you find the gifts of freedom and the magic of midlife, without the performance.

Join our Inspiring Midlife Leadership program waitlist and receive early access to our April cohort. We learn how to deprogram from patriarchy, and ditch the performing and dial up thriving on our own terms.