What’s Love got to do with leadership?
The first time I read Dare to Lead, this was the quote that rang in my brain for weeks:
“Who we are is how we lead.”
-Brené Brown
It’s one of those quotes that feels so obvious, and yet pierces your heart because you realize that when you are leading, there is nowhere to hide. Everything about you is on display; every action observed, every conversation analyzed and when you don’t do or say something, it is questioned even more! What is the answer to staying resilient when we feel like everyone is expecting something different from us?
I am aware that for the 20 years I was in management roles and leading teams in organizations, I navigated this question from a place of fear and overcompensating. This looked like me trying to be all things to all people, overworking to prove that I was committed to the organization and my team, and lots of hustling to prove I was “good enough” to be their manager. I feel exhausted even thinking about those years and sad when I think about the toll it took on me and the time away from my family when I was grinding out some long hours. I really wish Brené had written Dare to Lead in 1998 as I started my leadership journey!
So what’s different for me now? The two phrases surrounding this quote – Self-Awareness and Self-Love Matter. These are the two essential things that I did NOT have in my early management years, and they are the concepts that have set me free to BE the leader I aspire to be, without sacrificing myself along the way. Let’s set you free to be who you are, and love leading again with these two concepts in the foreground.
Self-Awareness Matters
Really knowing who you are, and embracing the strengths you naturally possess, the unique values that guide you through life, and the areas of interest, passion and purpose that light you up – that is WHO YOU ARE. When you are able to connect deeply to these aspects of yourself and lead from that place of self-awareness, everything feels different.
I have been aware of my strengths, values and passion for the past 10 years of my leadership journey. I have to say that it is the most freeing experience when I own my strengths and acknowledge the areas that don’t come naturally to me. Now I ask for help or support when it’s not an area of strength for me, rather than hoping no one will figure out that I didn’t know how to do something! This transparency has built trust with my team members, and my clients because they don’t sense that “hustling or proving” energy when I am outside my strengths zone.
If you are feeling overly stressed, questioning your path or feeling insecure in your leadership, the journey of discovering who you are is the way forward. You can attend another skills training program, OR you can invest in self-discovery and then bring who you are fully into your leadership with awareness, confidence and clarity.
Self-Love Matters
Oh I know the resistance to this one too. If you want to skip out and stop reading because this doesn’t feel relevant then know that I get it – me too. Until I realized that if I didn’t start truly loving and caring for myself, I was going to be absolutely useless as a leader.
Embracing the idea of self-love and giving myself permission to make myself a priority is not a unique experience – I know this is true for many people, and we aren’t really conditioned for this as a way of being. I held the limiting belief for decades that looking after myself was selfish, and being selfish is BAD. Can you relate?
The work of Kristen Neff, Phd and Self-Compassion has been a gift that is integrated into the Dare to Lead™ curriculum I facilitate. Learning more about her work and the concepts of self-compassion has been another gamechanger for me. Changing the inner dialogue I have with myself with gentler, kinder and compassionate language has supported me through this challenging time. Releasing the inner critic and “do more” narratives that still lingered in my consciousness have supported me to be resilient during a bumpy time that continues to challenge us all.
As we enter the month of February which is anchored in a day of celebrating LOVE, let’s practice shining some of the love on ourselves and see what a difference that makes in our leadership. With self-awareness and self-love as our “leadership homework”, we are setting ourselves free and modeling a future for leaders that is more authentic, less stressful and ultimately more inspiring for everyone around us.
Want to join us in our next Dare to Lead™ training? Click the link below to see upcoming dates.