Why I said no to Brené Brown and yes to myself
As I've written before in this space, on June 28, 2024, Brené Brown made an important announcement to the Dare to Lead™ facilitator community that she had sold the training rates for the program to the digital coaching company, BetterUp. (You can read my original piece on the subject here).
Since that time, there has been a great deal of hard conversations among facilitators, trying to understand and unpack all of the implications of this change; there’s been a lot of patience and waiting too.
Throughout all of this, I found myself grappling with feelings of fear and scarcity. And questions. What if this curriculum I love is no longer accessible to me? Am I good enough to be approved to move over to BetterUp? It didn’t help that this period of introspection included a parallel journey of grief and self-discovery in which other hard questions were demanding answers: What is my true purpose? How do I want to serve the world in this next and potentially last phase of my career?
(I fully intend on it being a long phase of 15-20 years, as well as the best chapter yet!)
A moment of clarity
From this storm of questions leapt a realization that sounded like this: "Diane, you’re no longer meant to teach about bravery; you need to start being brave." I’m not meant to transition to BetterUp; I’m meant to create something new. Something heart-centred and purely my own.
Wouldn’t you know it, this clarity arose from all the profound lessons I’ve absorbed over the past five years of delivering Dare to Lead™. Five years, and five huge lessons learned that intend to bring to everything I create next.
Lesson One: Vulnerability is a Strength. Embrace it.
The more I speak my truth, show up as myself, practice imperfection and let myself be seen in that vulnerability, the better I become at creation, coaching and facilitating learning environments within my community. More than that, there's so much joy and ease in showing up this way. Laying down the programming of “performing and proving”, and embracing authenticity has been a practice for me, and this mindset is supporting me to dial up my courage, and embrace uncertainty.
Lesson Two: Understand Shame. Talk about it.
This is what one might call the keystone of the Dare to Lead™ curriculum. Understanding shame, what our shame stories are, how those stories define our worthiness or identity, and how they keep us small. When we can recognize our shame stories and what triggers them, we're able to free their grip. I’ve discovered and released a lot in this space which has freed me to take more risks, expand how I think about myself, and get the hell out of my own way. Without that, you don’t get to lesson three.
Lesson Three: Empathy is a Skill. Practice it.
Brené's curriculum does an amazing job of helping us understand how to show up with empathy. When we do, we witness other people's shame, stories and experiences without feeling the need to fix them or take their pain away. One learns to sit in that struggle with them instead and it’s a gamechanger, no matter what the dynamic may be in our relationships. I've made a lot of mistakes with empathy, which means I’ve learned plenty of lessons too.
Lesson Four: Self-Compassion is a Gift. Use it.
I sometimes think of this as empathy turned inward, which is why Self-Compassion lands here on the list. I've learned firsthand how profound it can be to treat ourselves with the kindness, grace and love that we extend to others. When we turn that inward and love ourselves, something magical happens. We become so damn brave. Braver than we had ever imagined. All because we gave ourselves a bit of grace. This unexpected gift from 5 years in Dare to Lead is precious.
Lesson Five: Self-Trust is Built, not Born. Build it.
This lesson really only came to me over the last couple of years. Using Brené’s braving trust framework helped immensely to understand what trusting myself actually looks like, and how to cultivate more of it. Here’s why: the more I trust myself, the bolder and braver I become (notice a theme?).
Bonus Lesson: Your Values Need Daylight. Clarify Them.
Getting really clear on my personal values and using them as my decision-making rubric has given me a framework I can trust to do the thinking for me when it comes time to choose. Here’s what that looks like: In this moment where the choice is to try to keep on keeping on with BetterUp’s version of Dare to Lead™, or to step into the unknown, I consult my values. Which choice is the one that gives me the best chance to live my values of Freedom, Integrity, Courage, Well-Being, Growth and Connection?
See? It’s a lot easier than pro-and-conning myself into oblivion. BetterUp is not a great fit for who I am and what I do best. With this clarity, I’m ready to step into something that resonates with my heart and values.
The New Chapter
I want to support women in midlife, helping them access their potential and power to influence the systems they inhabit. We need feminine leadership now more than ever, and I’m committed to creating programs that support women holistically through this pivotal phase of life and wisdom.
That means choosing alignment, purpose, and passion. It means letting my heart decide, rather than my ego. Absent what I’ve learned from Brené’s curriculum, I’m not sure I would have known how to make this choice.
So thank you, Brené Brown, and everyone who ever joined me for Dare to Lead™ training over these five amazing years. You've given me some incredible gifts that I will always be grateful for.
And it’s with that gratitude that I coose courage over comfort!
If you read this far and are curious about how to build courage and authenticity in your midlife years, then join us for a free masterclass – Inspiring Midlife Masterclass on Saturday, November 30th from 9 – 10:30am pacific time. Learn more here.